When couples ask me to help them with writing their vows – wedding or renewal – or to how they can make them as deep and meaningful as possible, my answer is always the same: ‘It’s about making them yours.’ Your vows don’t have to sound like anyone else’s, nor should they. They don’t need to be polished or poetic (unless that’s what you want). What matters is that they come from the heart.
Tell your story! Think about the journey that brought you here, from your first meeting to the milestones you’ve shared. Then pick out little details – a funny memory or a disastrous first date for example – and weave them into your vows. Touches like these that can make your promises perfect.
While you’re telling your story, use your own voice. Don’t go copying other people’s text-book wording because the best vows sound like you. If you’re naturally romantic, let that shine through. If you’re playful, quirky or have a wicked sense of humour, let that show. Forget about what’s expected – speak from the heart.
Three questions
If you’re stuck, try asking yourselves these questions:
1. Why do you love this person?
2. What is it that I am promising them in this ceremony?
3. What do I look forward to in our future together?
Three tips
When you’re jotting down your thoughts, remember to:
1. Make promises that matter
Go beyond ‘love and cherish’ to what will really matter in your marriage. For example you might promise to support each other through challenges, to always listen, or even to share the last slice of cake. Small, everyday promises can be the most powerful.
2. Balance heartfelt promises with light-hearted touches
A mix of sincerity and humour will help keep your vows engaging and true to life. Tears and laughter often go hand in hand in the most memorable ceremonies.
3. Let go of perfection
A few heartfelt sentences can mean more than a long speech. Trust that your words – however simple – will be perfect for your partner.
At the heart of it, vows are a gift: a moment to stand before your family and friends and tell your partner, ‘This is what you mean to me, and this is what I promise you.’ And there’s nothing more special than that.