When someone we love dies, amidst the sadness and shock, one of the first questions we all need to face is how to say goodbye.
One thing I am asked over-and-over is for clarification on the difference between Funerals, Memorial Services and Celebrations of Life. This is hardly surprising when we consider how often the terms are interchanged – especially Memorials and Celebrations of Life. But even these have slightly different meanings.
As your Celebrant, part of my role is to help you decide what type of service feels most right for you and your family. Understanding the differences between them is a good place to start, so let’s have a look.
Funerals
Funerals are usually held soon after someone has died and they typically include the burial or cremation (also known as the committal). As a result, they usually take place, at least partly, at the site of the burial or crematorium. In tone, they are about reflecting and remembering, as well as grieving and saying goodbye in a ways that feel true to that person.
Celebrations of Life
By contrast, Celebrations of Life are often held after the committal has taken place, so there is no body present. The ceremonies are flexible: they can happen soon after the death, or weeks or even months later, and they can take place anywhere that feels meaningful – a favourite spot outdoors, a hall filled with family and friends, or in a private space at home. Like a Funeral, a Celebration of Life still acknowledges grief, but the tone is more celebratory in the telling of stories and sharing of memories.
Memorial Services
Memorials are similar to Celebrations of Life in that there’s no body present, so no committal. The timing is highly flexible – they can take place straight after a private burial or cremation, but they can also happen weeks, months or even years after the passing (for example on a special date such as a birthday or anniversary). The services can be reflective or celebratory, quiet or joyful – the tone is always shaped by what feels right for the family.
Can they all be humanist?
Absolutely, you and your family can choose a humanist-style farewell for any of these three types of service, or something else entirely if you wish. The common factor is that, with humanist farewells, no matter the nature of the service, the focus is on the person themselves – their story, their character, their place in the lives of those who loved them – rather than religion. This means they can be held anywhere that isn’t a religious building.
Whatever you call your ceremony, what really matters is that it feels true to the person and offers comfort to those left behind. With a humanist- or celebrant-led service, nothing is prescribed. Together, we can shape a ceremony – an occasion to grieve, to remember, and to celebrate your loved one’s life – in a way that is honest, warm and filled with personal touches.